1.
Never treat them or speak to them
like children!!
2. You go into their room and enter
“their world,” don’t force them into reality! If it’s spring, and you’re
swinging at the park - be there. Don’t do the ridiculous and remind them that
they’re in a nursing home and need to “snap out of it.”
3. Always ask if they’re thirsty or
hungry. If they say yes, let us know, we’ll get them a snack.
4. Talk to them as you did before they
got sick. Catch up. They may not understand at that moment, but I’ll often hear
them chatting about their “granddaughters having a sleepover, and they’d have
loved to see it…” hours after you’ve left.
5. If you have the ability, print out
3–4 photos that they might remember. Make them photos in their early middle
ages (35–45)ish. A car, a foursome of them and their two best friends, their
church!!!
6. Never purchase them anything of
value. Their bedroom is their bedroom, the room next door may very well be
“their” dining room, so they take things from room to room. Everyone shares,
nobody minds because nothing is valuable.
7. Adding to the above … if mom/dad’s
jewelry is significantly important to them, buy replicas that cost little. As
we age, (most often) our fingers grow thinner. Rings fall off and go right down
drains in the shower while soapy and wet. If their wedding rings are an
heirloom you want to keep - exchange them! Please do this! I’ve seen jewelry go
down drains…after begging a daughter to replace them a dozen times! We are
always accused of stealing them. This actually happened to my grandmother in
1975, but her ring size was a 2! She was an itty bitty thing. I was promised
those diamonds when I turned 16, they were lost when I was 10 and I lost her
when I was 11. My step-mom didn’t like her much (because she always reminded
her of his kind my mom was to her and her child(ten). In any case, my step mom,
in spite, gave away everything! All of her needlework, crocheted afghans…
should be -50 to -70 windchill tomorrow morning!! Could break the coldest day
ever recorded in my city - I’d love to snuggle under several of those afghans
tomorrow with a cup or two of cocoa. Sorry! I digress. Just sayin’ these things
DO happen! And moms with dementia have NEVER noticed!! And those without
dementia and going to a nursing home because they want that - have chosen to be
safe than sorry! You might think the ring is snug, but 1 illness can change all
of that. They’d much rather have their jewels given to those they’d be willed
to now.
8. If you buy them ANY clothing - please
put their name on the tags! We’ve talked often about overworked and
underpaid…sometimes, we end up with stacks of clothes in bags with names, but
we never find the time to label each piece. Their kids get hopping mad when
they see their roommate in their mom’s sweater. Ugh!! Please! For the Love of
us, do this simple favor.
9. If your loved one has a depression
issue because no one visits which we KNOW is untrue, but they don’t believe us…
but a blank book - everyone who comes and goes can leave a note of sweetness
with a date. This can be helpful if we nip it in the bud.
10. Should you see something “odd,”
please inform us immediately!! Someone could be changing clothes in the
kitchen, getting into the shower in a closet, someone is throwing things in
their room, emptying of closets is big (“going home from the hospital today,”
is quite common - just let us know.
11. Safety safety safety!!! Think before
doing, and ask before changing something. That one change could cause fits that
take us a week to undo.
12. Don’t redecorate without approval.
Bedspreads can’t be slick, maintenance has to check anything with a plug or
battery before use. Even a fan. Again, safety safety!
13. If there’s a sign in book at the
door, SIGN IN! This isn’t kept nor recorded anywhere - nor is it ever even
looked at again. BUT, should their be an emergency in the facility - THIS is
how we’ll know you’re here! The Fire/Police Depts will be looking for you as
well as all residents = don’t forget to sign OUT, so we are not wasting time.
If you do forget, please call us and let us know you’ve left the bldg. :)
14. Bring them a box of their favorite candy,
cookies - DONT go overboard! Most places don’t have much storage, AND tell us
there there, so we remember to give them a few cookies every few days…
15. Turn on their favorite tv show, and
do tell us they’ve watched “Jeopardy” every M-F since 1968… we will turn it on
for them regularly. If you’re a friend, it may be a show his/her kids were
unaware of. If he/she has been a Chicago Cub fan since childhood - let us KNOW!
We’ll turn on the games, especially if you hang a Cub calendar (those little
fold up cards that fit in every wallet from every gas station :) The more we
know, the easier it is for us to make any issue calmer… or just the girls
having coffee in the morning. STORY: One of my residents came to sit with me,
with 3 others every morning at 5am to drink coffee - I’d do my paperwork while
they chatted. I butted in now n then, so they knew I was part of the group… all
4 drank black coffee. One morning, I’d forgotten my travel mug with a lid, so
my coffee was exposed. One noticed that my coffee was light brown. She said
with glee, “I haven’t had that “good” coffee in years!” She went on to tell us,
as a treat, she’d sprinkle a few Cheerios on top, I added cream n sugar to a
new cup and brought her an individual sized serving box of Cheerios, opened…she
put in about 10, and thoroughly enjoyed that cup of coffee!!! I phoned her son
when the real workday began, and I asked him. I should have waited until after
work. He burst into tears over the phone cuz his mom remembered something!! A
fond childhood memory - him and his brother were tossing Cheerios into the air
to see if the other could catch it in their mouth (like kids do…) she pretended
not to notice the few that landed in her coffee. The sons thought they’d be
stopped from their game. She just crunched a Cheerio, said, “mmm, pretty
tasty!” Everyone laughed, and she continued to add them to her coffee after
that. Well, “when they had Cheerios and not Corn Flakes,” he said… “the Corn
Flakes turned to mush too quickly.” He never forgot that I was able to draw
such an odd memory from his mom, and he mentioned it every time I saw him
since. He sent accolades to my boss, my bosses boss, the owner of the company
(he owns about 200 nursing homes). I got a raise and a promotion (not really,
just a nicer title, but extra $ is always grand - all because I forgot my
travel mug which I used to keep from spilling and to use a straw - keeps the
lipstick in place ;-) THE END.
16. I digress. Forgive me. Little
miracles like that story made my job so enjoyable, knowing there’d be 25
emergencies that had to have attention…those little moments of recognition made
us all dance through the day.
Reference: Robin Rae
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